{"id":32,"date":"2021-05-12T15:10:56","date_gmt":"2021-05-12T15:10:56","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/?p=32"},"modified":"2021-05-12T15:15:52","modified_gmt":"2021-05-12T15:15:52","slug":"pjerretas","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/pjerretas\/","title":{"rendered":"pjerr\u00ebtas"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

nga artan islamaj<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Shoh vet\u00ebm zi. Nganj\u00ebher\u00eb m\u00eb shfaqen disa pjes\u00eb me ngyr\u00eb, njolla l\u00ebviz\u00ebse t\u00eb drit\u00ebs, forma gjeometrike, shk\u00eblqime t\u00eb bardha, q\u00eb i kund\u00ebrshtojn\u00eb humner\u00ebs. Jan\u00eb pjes\u00eb sistemi t\u00eb nj\u00eb kaleidoskopi \u2014 dua ti p\u00ebrshkruaj si fantazma ose pseudo-halucinacione. Por m\u00eb duhet t\u00eb them q\u00eb k\u00ebto grimca jan\u00eb prezente n\u00eb pjes\u00ebn e brendshme t\u00eb syrit tim. Deri para disa sekondash, e vetmja gj\u00eb q\u00eb kisha par\u00eb ishte nj\u00eb drit\u00eb neoni. Pjesa p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00ebse e drit\u00ebs ishte shum\u00ebngjyr\u00ebshe, mir\u00ebpo kombinimin e k\u00ebtyre elementeve un\u00eb e ndieja si nj\u00eb bardh\u00ebsi artificiale t\u00eb fuqishme. Trupi, mendja, apo syt\u00eb e mi sikur aktivizuan nj\u00eb mekaniz\u00ebm tim mbrojt\u00ebs. Syt\u00eb mu mbyll\u00ebn \u2014 ishte e vetmja gj\u00eb, q\u00eb munda t\u00eb b\u00ebj.  <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Pozicioni im n\u00eb dhom\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb i ve\u00e7ant\u00eb. Ambienti \u00ebsht\u00eb mbizotrueshm\u00ebrisht steril dhe i konstruktuar n\u00eb nuanca t\u00eb lehta. Nga ana tjet\u00ebr, un\u00eb jam i veshur i t\u00ebri n\u00eb zi. P\u00ebrve\u00e7 k\u00ebpucave t\u00eb bardha, pantollonat dhe k\u00ebmisha kan\u00eb ngjyra t\u00eb mbyllura. Idiosynkriteti i trupit tim \u00ebsht\u00eb i dramatizuar: jam i shtrir\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb divan futuristik, por nj\u00ebkoh\u00ebsisht ndihem parehatsh\u00ebm. P\u00ebrse? Jam n\u00eb nj\u00eb pozicion q\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i natyrsh\u00ebm. Asnj\u00eb njeri nuk mund t\u00eb q\u00ebndroj\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb gjendje t\u00eb till\u00eb pa mjete ndihm\u00ebse. I vetmi krahasim i p\u00ebraf\u00ebrt \u00ebsht\u00eb si t\u00eb q\u00ebndruarit n\u00eb duar. Koka ime gjendet disa centimetra mbi tok\u00eb, nd\u00ebrsa k\u00ebmb\u00ebt m\u00eb rrin\u00eb sip\u00ebr. \u00cbsht\u00eb goxha v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb gjykoj n\u00ebse jan\u00eb duke levituar apo jan\u00eb t\u00eb fiksuara n\u00eb fundin e pseudo-divanit, i cili \u00ebsht\u00eb i p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00eb nga nj\u00eb lloj litari, rripi, ose ndonj\u00eb kombinim i penj\u00ebve. Sa m\u00eb gjat\u00eb q\u00eb q\u00ebndroj, aq m\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, m\u00eb zor, \u00ebsht\u00eb. Presioni n\u00eb kok\u00ebn time \u00ebsht\u00eb duke u ngritur; gjaku nuk m\u00eb qarkullon siq duhet \u2014 trupi i njeriut nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i nd\u00ebrtuar t\u00eb funksionoj\u00eb n\u00eb m\u00ebnyr\u00eb t\u00eb till\u00eb. Por, ende \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb rregull, ende mund ta duroj shtypjen. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb shtypje n\u00eb nivel trupor: shtypje n\u00eb ekstremitetet e mia, dhe shtypje n\u00eb trurin tim. N\u00eb t\u00eb v\u00ebrtet\u00eb, m\u00eb duket q\u00eb dal\u00eb-ngadal\u00eb, sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb q\u00eb mendohem se \u00e7far\u00eb forcash jan\u00eb duke ndikuar n\u00eb organizmin tim, ato sa vijn\u00eb e b\u00ebhen m\u00eb t\u00eb mprehta e m\u00eb t\u00eb fuqishme.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Tani i hapi syt\u00eb, n\u00eb nj\u00eb l\u00ebvizje t\u00eb ngadalsh\u00ebm. Dua ta di, s\u00eb \u00e7far\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb duke ndodhur?  Kush, \u00e7ka, \u00ebsht\u00eb arsyeja apo shkaku p\u00ebr status quo-n\u00eb time; p\u00ebr emocionet, q\u00eb po i ndjej? Gjith\u00ebsesi, nj\u00eb lloj frike \u00ebsht\u00eb prezente. Me syt\u00eb mbyllur sikur g\u00ebnjej veten se jam un\u00eb ai q\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb n\u00eb kontroll\u00eb. \u00cbsht\u00eb qesharake, sepse nuk mund t\u00eb l\u00ebvizi dot. Prej asnjer\u00ebs perspektiv\u00eb nuk gjindem n\u00eb pozicion dominant, n\u00eb pozicion kontrollues. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Drita e bardh\u00eb, ajo e fundit q\u00eb e kisha par\u00eb, nis\u00eb rrug\u00ebn drejt\u00eb retin\u00ebs sime. Humnera ja lejon drit\u00ebs t\u00eb hyj\u00eb \u2014 nuk di a \u00ebsht\u00eb aq harmonike si e p\u00ebrshkrova m\u00eb par\u00eb, apo \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb proces shum\u00eb m\u00eb brutal. Prap\u00eb, e para gj\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb drita, \u00ebsht\u00eb bardh\u00ebsia omniprezente \u2014 deri n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb moment nuk dominonte bardh\u00ebsia. Nuk m\u00eb b\u00ebn t\u00eb ndihem ngroht\u00eb. Fare? Kjo veti q\u00eb ne e lidhim me drit\u00ebn, tani sikur ishte e shk\u00ebputur. Nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka q\u00eb m\u00eb jep siguri, q\u00eb m\u00eb nxjerr prej k\u00ebsaj gjendjeje mentale. M\u00eb duhet ndihm\u00eb, p\u00ebr t\u00eb m\u00eb nxjerr\u00eb nga k\u00ebto mendime q\u00eb vijn\u00eb si rezultat i fobis\u00eb, frik\u00ebs, rrezikut, dhe pasiguris\u00eb. Ah drita, kjo fajtore q\u00eb m\u00eb futi n\u00eb err\u00ebsir\u00eb, tani prap\u00eb m\u00eb d\u00ebshp\u00ebron. Ky trend vazhdon. Sa m\u00eb shum\u00eb q\u00eb ambienti rreth meje kthjellohet, drita b\u00ebhet edhe m\u00eb e qart\u00eb \u2014 n\u00eb t\u00eb nj\u00ebjt\u00ebn koh\u00eb situata dhe p\u00ebrshtypjet q\u00eb i p\u00ebrjetoj jan\u00eb d\u00ebrrmuese. Nj\u00eb ndjenj\u00eb klaustrofobie \u00ebsht\u00eb duke u p\u00ebrhapur n\u00eb trupin tim. I gjith\u00eb ambienti sikur shembet mbi mua duke m\u00eb mb\u00ebrthyer. \u00c7\u2019\u00ebsht\u00eb reale, \u00e7\u2019\u00ebsht\u00eb surreale dhe \u00e7ka e imagjinuar \u2014 apo t\u00eb gjitha jan\u00eb produkt i mendjes sime?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Bardh\u00ebsia e drit\u00ebs vazhdon edhe n\u00eb pjes\u00ebt tjera t\u00eb dhom\u00ebs. Pllakat n\u00eb tok\u00eb, t\u00eb cilat i shoh vet\u00ebm kur e kthej kok\u00ebn anash \u2014 edhe at\u00ebher\u00eb vet\u00ebm me bisht t\u00eb syrit. Mu n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb moment, dy silueta t\u00eb err\u00ebta m\u00eb afrohen. T\u00eb dyja vin\u00eb nga an\u00ebt e kund\u00ebrta t\u00eb kok\u00ebs sime dhe q\u00ebndrojn\u00eb p\u00ebr nj\u00eb moment af\u00ebr krah\u00ebve t\u00eb mi. Jan\u00eb duke b\u00ebr\u00eb shamat\u00eb e zhurm\u00eb n\u00eb nj\u00eb frekuenc\u00eb t\u00eb huaj, q\u00eb nuk e kuptoj. Paver\u00ebsisht sado q\u00eb p\u00ebrqendrohem, prap\u00eb-se-prap\u00eb d\u00ebgjoj vet\u00ebm nj\u00eb lloj ndotj\u00eb akustike. K\u00ebto z\u00ebra t\u00eb panjohur i shoq\u00ebron nj\u00eb gj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr: nj\u00eb k\u00ebmbim metalik. Besoj q\u00eb ky z\u00eb prodhohet kur k\u00ebto dy silueta navigojn\u00eb. Jam i sigurt\u00eb, q\u00eb ky z\u00eb nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb singularitet, nj\u00eb agjent i vet\u00ebm, por vjen s\u00eb paku dyan\u00ebsh. Prap\u00eb jam ve\u00e7se m\u00eb konfuz dhe vazhdoj t\u00eb q\u00ebndroj n\u00eb pozicionin tim \u2014 sinqerisht\u00eb nuk di se si t\u00eb reagoj n\u00eb k\u00ebt\u00eb situacion.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Por, nuk m\u00eb mbetet gjat\u00eb, se menj\u00ebher\u00eb pas k\u00ebsaj, nga t\u00eb dy an\u00ebt e ndjej\u00eb prezenc\u00ebn e tyre. N\u00eb pika t\u00eb dy shpatullave t\u00eb mia fokusohet nga nj\u00eb presion \u2014 nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb i fort\u00eb e as i leht\u00eb, nuk \u00ebsht\u00eb as i ftoht\u00eb as i ngroht\u00eb. T\u00eb dy pikat m\u00eb prekin p\u00ebrmes t\u00eb njejt\u00ebs form\u00eb. Dhe n\u00eb t\u00eb njejt\u00ebn koh\u00eb e shk\u00ebputin presionin nga krahet, dhe vazhdojn\u00eb posht\u00eb duarve. E kuptoj sikur nj\u00eb prekje me gishta por nuk mundem ta p\u00ebrcaktoj me siguri. Dhe tani largohen pikat prek\u00ebse. Por ato l\u00ebn\u00eb gjurm\u00eb prapa. Dhe prap\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb far\u00eb peshe q\u00eb e ndjej \u2014 ashtu sikur pesha e llakut t\u00eb sapoterur n\u00eb thonj\u00eb \u2014 e gjithpanishme, e r\u00ebnd\u00eb, jo komode. M\u00eb duket sikur \u00e7do pik\u00eb t\u00eb trupit tim q\u00eb preket nga gishtat e tyre fillon t\u00eb transformohet n\u00eb momentin e ndikimit tek l\u00ebkura ime \u2014 duke ndryshuar nga l\u00ebkura ku ende nuk m\u00eb kan\u00eb prekur. Dua ta kem mund\u00ebsin\u00eb t\u00eb luaj kok\u00ebn dhe t\u00eb shikoj n\u00eb mos \u00ebsht\u00eb di\u00e7ka edhe vizuale, ndoshta kjo do t\u00eb m\u00eb ndihmonte t\u00eb kategorizoja se \u00e7far\u00eb \u00ebsht\u00eb duke ndodhur k\u00ebtu. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ngadal\u00eb e ngrej kok\u00ebn. As dy centimetra nuk kishte l\u00ebvizur dhe me fuqi koka m\u00eb kthehet prap\u00eb posht\u00eb. Ne brend\u00ebsin\u00eb time nj\u00eb kaos i emocioneve paraqitet. \u00c7ka po ndodh\u00eb? \u00c7ka po ndodh\u00eb? Pse un\u00eb? Nga gjithkush n\u00eb bot\u00eb, pse un\u00eb? Dua t\u00eb dal nga kjo situat\u00eb, do b\u00ebj \u00e7kado q\u00eb duhet. Si \u00ebsht\u00eb e mundur q\u00eb nj\u00eb forc\u00eb e till\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00eb ket\u00eb n\u00ebn kontroll\u00eb. Dua t\u00eb qaj, dua t\u00eb b\u00ebrtas, dua t\u00eb rezistoj. E vetjma gj\u00eb q\u00eb mund t\u00eb b\u00ebj \u00ebsht\u00eb nj\u00eb frym\u00ebmarrje d\u00ebshp\u00ebrimi. A \u00ebsht\u00eb ky fundi?<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prap\u00eb po m\u00eb beh\u00ebt zi, por k\u00ebsaj radhe nuk \u00ebshte p\u00ebr shkak t\u00eb drit\u00ebs, e cila \u00ebshte ende duke m\u00eb qorruar, por nga e majta dhe nga e djatha dy hije po m\u00eb afrohen dhe po zmadhohen. Mundohem ti shoh n\u00eb detaj, mir\u00ebpo prap\u00eb pozicioni im nuk m\u00eb lejon. T\u00eb dy hijet q\u00ebndrojn\u00eb n\u00eb nivel horizontal drejt vesh\u00ebve t\u00eb mi. E ndjej vet\u00ebm prezenc\u00ebn e tyre \u2014 asgj\u00eb tjet\u00ebr. Hija e djath\u00eb merr\u00eb nj\u00eb hap p\u00ebrpara. \u00cbshte hera e par\u00eb q\u00eb shoh di\u00e7ka. \u00cbsht\u00eb nj\u00eb figur\u00eb e jasht\u00ebzakonshme \u2014 syt\u00eb e saj nuk jan\u00eb proporcionale \u2014 jan\u00eb shum\u00eb m\u00eb t\u00eb m\u00ebdha sesa koka e saj. M\u00eb duken si lloj syzesh, t\u00eb cilat ndihmojn\u00eb t\u00eb shtremojn\u00eb paraqitjen e saj. Por nuk shoh shum\u00eb p\u00ebrve\u00e7 syve. Kjo p\u00ebrputhet me associacionin tim ndaj hijes: dy orba t\u00eb zinj m\u00eb shikojn\u00eb. Nuk mundem t\u00eb identifikoj asnj\u00eb beb\u00ebz t\u00eb syrit. Aq e fort\u00eb dhe intenzive \u00ebsht\u00eb ngjyra e mbyllur saq\u00eb e shoh nj\u00eb siluet\u00eb t\u00eb njohur\u00a0 \u2014 \u00ebsht\u00eb refklektimi im!\u00a0<\/p>\n\n\n\n

_______<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Prap\u00eb nj\u00eb kollazh i ngjyrave \u2014 humnera duke u rikthyer me shpejt\u00ebsi. Dhe prap\u00eb, shoh vet\u00ebm zi.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

[ . . . ]<\/p>\n\n\n\n

artan islamaj<\/strong> \u2014 shtetas i kosov\u00ebs dhe zvicr\u00ebs, si n\u00eb let\u00ebr ashtu edhe n\u00eb zem\u00ebr \u2014 \u00ebsht\u00eb duke p\u00ebrfunduar studimet master n\u00eb let\u00ebrsi angleze dhe studime gjinore n\u00eb universitetin s\u00eb cyrihut. gjithashtu ai \u00ebsht\u00eb bashk\u00eb-themelues i zin\u00ebs zwischentext, t\u00eb bazuar n\u00eb cyrih.<\/p><\/blockquote>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

pjerr\u00ebtas | nga artan islamaj<\/p>\n

Koka ime gjendet disa centimetra mbi tok\u00eb, nd\u00ebrsa k\u00ebmb\u00ebt m\u00eb rrin\u00eb sip\u00ebr. \u00cbsht\u00eb goxha v\u00ebshtir\u00eb t\u00eb gjykoj n\u00ebse jan\u00eb duke levituar apo jan\u00eb t\u00eb fiksuara n\u00eb fundin e pseudo-divanit, i cili \u00ebsht\u00eb i p\u00ebrb\u00ebr\u00eb nga nj\u00eb lloj litari, rripi, ose ndonj\u00eb kombinim i penj\u00ebve. Sa m\u00eb gjat\u00eb q\u00eb q\u00ebndroj, aq m\u00eb v\u00ebshtir\u00eb, m\u00eb zor, \u00ebsht\u00eb.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":35,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[5],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-32","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-fiction"],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-content\/uploads\/2021\/05\/Pjerretaz-horizontal-e1620832534161.png","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=32"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":34,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/32\/revisions\/34"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/35"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=32"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=32"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/storylab.al\/zine\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=32"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}